Sunday, May 29, 2011

I Got Off The Fence

I was messaging with a girlfriend on Facebook this morning and a message she sent me on May 29, 2009 popped up as "new." Exactly two years ago today my friend Kristi wrote:

"I saw your married status changed. I hope all is ok." - Kristi

"About the marital status: I filed for divorce this week. Long overdue and I think I mentioned a year ago to you that I had sought legal counsel. Well, it was just time to go and too many things have happened. It is a marriage that never should have been...don't regret my 3 gorgeous, amazing kids it produced though." - My reply

It's so surreal to look back at those messages. It seems like another life, another person...and it was, really. I had become someone I didn't recognize anymore and it made me bitter and angry and just plain mad at the world. It seems like forever ago sometimes and then other times it's hard to believe it's already been 2 years. 

I was "on the fence" for a long time. I knew I would end it eventually, but I was just waiting for the perfect moment. Fortunately, I have a very good friend who made it clear that there is no such thing as the "perfect moment" and that time was a-wasting! I am proud...I took the leap and my life just keeps getting better with each passing day. I've changed, I've grown, I've learned a lot of lessons. I've learned that in life, there are no mistakes and that every path we take leads us from where we are to something even better. 

I have no regrets. My anger is gone and my life, while certainly not without challenges, is genuinely happy and fulfilling and I believe with everything that I am that it will only keep getting better. 

I forgive myself for having believed for so long that...I was never good enough to have, get, be what I wanted.~Ceanne DeRohan

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