Tuesday, June 8, 2010


I've been thinking about blogging this topic for awhile now. I told the following story to a couple people recently and they insisted that I blog about this. So, here it is...

I was at QFC a couple weeks ago on a Saturday morning. I was in the produce section selecting zucchini. I love zucchini with my egg whites! As I approached the zucchini, my eyes went straight for one, in particular. I picked it up and discovered it was flawed more than I like them to be (they all have flaws, of course, as humans do, some are just more tolerable than others). I set it back down and kept looking over the zucchini. After scanning, I picked up the same zucchini once again. Nope, it still wasn't quite good enough, so I set it back down. Selected a couple zucchini and put them in my bag and continued looking. For a third time, I picked up that same zucchini!!! 

And then it hit me...I do this with men. I totally do this with men. Decide they're not for me, put them back on the shelf. Pick 'em back up, nope still the same. As I made this connection, I dropped that zucchini like it was on FIRE!!! I stood there for a minute staring at the produce, thinking..."I select men the same way I select zucchini. Interesting." Now, I'm not just talking about this from a romantic or dating perspective, I am speaking about men, in general. I do it with all of them (or most, I should say). For some reason, I don't do this with females. If their flaws are something I can't live with, I move on. Done. 

The thing of it is, I keep going back expecting a different result. I keep going back thinking that a miraculous change will have occurred. Or do I keep going back thinking that, like the zucchini, maybe I should lower my expectations and the next time it will be good enough to eat. Maybe. I've determined that it's a pattern I need to take a look at and find a way to break it. 

I once thought that people don't change, people can't change. I now know that is false. People always change, but people make the choice to grow with their changes. Sometimes a relationship works for awhile and then one person outgrows the relationship or changes so drastically that it just doesn't work anymore. Emotionally, it's difficult to let go of some of those relationships and so, for me, I go back hoping that it might still work because for one reason or another, I'm just not ready to say goodbye, let go and move on. 

Like the zucchini, we all have flaws that are just a part of who we are. It's what makes us unique and different. Our flaws may not be an issue in some relationships, but they may be the "deal breaker" in others. But most importantly, is realizing that no matter how desperately we may want to, we can't change these things about other people...even if it's hard to acknowledge and move on...

The zucchini has become a big joke amongst my friends. It's one of those words now that all we have to do is toss out "zucchini" and everybody start laughing. I will never look at zucchini the same way again. 

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