Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Spring Cleaning

On Easter Sunday I had some free time in the morning so I decided to go back through my blog and read some of my old posts. Talk about a very strange experience. As I was reading my posts I really felt like I was reading something that must have been written by someone else as it felt so foreign to me. And the funny thing is, even posts as recent as February seem very distant. A part of me was sad as I read through it, but at the same time, it really didn't even feel like they could be my own words. 

I'm grateful for the gift of writing. It has allowed me to process my thoughts and feelings in way that I could never do if I just kept it all in my head. And being able to process it has gotten me to the place where I'm at now...so OVER IT!!! I was never able to express my feelings and my hurts in my marriage and it was something I needed to be able to do and be heard (or in this case, read) in order to let it go and move on. 

I told my dad last Thursday after my parenting class was over that I felt so FREE. I have had this weightless and free feeling ever since then and I can't stop smiling. In fact, people at work and in the gym have been asking me..."why are you smiling?" It's funny how people don't seem to be satisfied by the simple answer..."I'm happy." But that's really all there is to it. I am finally happy. 

Okay, about Spring Cleaning...this isn't your typical "spring cleaning." Although, I probably should do some of that too and will probably embark upon that project after the Emerald Cup. The spring cleaning I'm doing is getting rid of old stuff I've been hanging onto that is no longer serves me or is a memory of a time that I'm just over. It's not necessarily stuff I can throw away, so I'm boxing it all up and putting it in storage. Strangely, I feel no sadness about boxing these items up and getting them out of my bedroom, my living room, etc. It feels refreshing and it feels like I'm starting from scratch. I like that.

There is nothing and no one holding me back anymore. No one telling me I can't. No one holding me back from being who I want to be. 

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