As I was on the stepmill last night (miserably, stepping away) and thinking about how I am never again going to compete cause "this really sucks", I realized that it's kind of like childbirth. Each time I was pregnant was, for sure, going to be the last. I was never going to go through "that" again. Nope, every baby was the last baby. For me, pregnancy sucked. It never got better. The second trimester was never better and the third was never pretty either. I was always sick, the whole time. And in the end, I always had GERD so bad I couldn't eat after about 3pm and would have to sleep sitting upright. Yeah, that was loads of fun! And the twins were the worst because I was so big so early. I remember being around 25 weeks pregnant and it just hurt to BE. I cried every morning as I got ready for work.
Okay, so now that I write this the whole carb depletion actually is starting to sound a lot better than it did. Although yesterday was pretty crappy, especially as the day went on. And it's all by choice which makes me question myself even more. But at the end of the day...or the beginning of carb up day...I LOVE it! My body was so tired last night I barely made it to 8:30 before I crashed. I had to put the kids to bed a little earlier than usual so I, too, could go to bed early. Even today, while I am enjoying some oats and potatoes, I don't feel super. Kinda dragging and lethargic.
But the payoff is similar to holding that baby in your arms for the very first time. Being on stage is my moment of glory. In that moment you temporarily forget all the pain and suffering that you went through to get up there. It's a ton of sacrifice and it takes a lot of dedication and discipline. It feels amazing to get up on stage after having 4 children and standing next to many younger girls who have never given birth before and be competitive. But, unlike childbirth, it's the one thing I do for ME. The one thing that really makes a difference to me, personally. My 3 little ones are too young to appreciate and respect what it takes to compete, but I think my oldest has gotten a lot out of watching me set goals and reach them. I love that my daughter likes to show her friends my competition pictures and beams with pride as she tells them..."That's my mom!"