Why Am I Doing This?

As I was on the stepmill this morning at 4:30 I started thinking about the dietary changes that I am making in preparation for the November show. I was also totally bored on the 'mill and at 4:30, the gym is pretty empty, so people watching is not much fun. I found myself asking "WHY"? Why am I doing this?

A contest prep lifestyle is a choice. No one forces us to cut our carbs and cheat meals. No one forces us to take on more cardio. It's a CHOICE that we, as competitors, make. Lately I've been feeling lost in life, in general, so I found myself asking "why" this morning. I could get off my cardio at 52 minutes. No one is going to force me to go to 60. But if I stop short I have to carry that with me thru the day. That I quit. That I didn't push thru to the end. That I wasn't disciplined or determined enough to do what is necessary to get to where I need to go.

This is WHY I do it. To push myself. To see it thru. To remind myself, when everything else is crumbling around me, that THIS is something that I control. That this is a goal I set that only I can determine if I meet it or if I'm going to LET myself fall short. It's a very empowering thing. It isn't "fun", but the emotional payoff is very high for me.

I feel very out of control of my life right now. Doing this competition helps me feel like at least one area of my life is within my control and I'm hoping for the domino effect and that other things will start to come together as well.

This is why I do it. Not because I feel the need to put on the hooker shoes or the barely-there posing suit. I do it because it helps me bring the rest of my life into perspective and it reminds me that I can do whatever it is I set out to do. The things in life worth having are usually the ones that we have to work for...and competing reminds me of that.