Sunday, August 16, 2009

Now What?

I woke up several times during the night feeling disturbed about not competing in the Ironman. I would lay there wondering - "if I'm not competing, what will I do when I'm in the gym?" Kind of a dumb thing, I know. I feel like without a competition I have no direction, nothing to drive me. I guess because the last year I have been competition-focused constantly, I have no idea what to do with myself without it.

I feel like if I can still have something out there to strive for - hit it or miss it - it will help keep me from feeling lost. Now, I'm pretty sure that once September hits and the kids are in school and I'm working full time and there are 5 of us going in 4 different directions each day I won't be feeling so lost. It's just another one of those emotions that needs to be worked thru.

I'm definitely going to need a trip to Tacoma to see Dave so he can set up a training plan for me that will keep me on task, bringing up my lagging body parts. I think mostly I need to keep reminding myself that I will compete again, I just need to temporarily put my plans on hold. This is my passion and I love it and feel lost without it.

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