Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Maltby Road

I was driving home from my mom's house last night with my 3 youngest kids after having a family dinner with my sister, my neices, my kids, my mom and my 93 year old grandmother. Hannah was throwing a tantrum over her forgotten bunny and I was more than a little frazzled by her yelling.

As I was driving up Matlby Road on my way home from my mom's a memory came back to me very vividly. I don't remember when exactly it was...last fall or this past winter, I don't exactly remember...Kristie probably knows the exact date, though. :) My ex and I were driving home one Saturday morning from the gym after spin class. I had said something in a "tone" in the gym and again in the car he said. I know it was nothing important or profound, just the usual conversations that married couples had - probably something about what we were doing later that day. Whatever I said, I said it WRONG!! It set him off...big time! He was doing 50 up Malty Road with all three kids in the back seat, yelling at me at the same time. There was a certain point on the way up the road where I was certain he was going to haul off and smack me across the face. All the way up the road last night I could feel all the emotions I felt on that day as that incident was occurring. It was moments like that that he was just plain scary to me. Strangly, I just thought that maybe all married people had moments like this. They don't.

My mind had blocked out this memory. It hadn't even crossed my mind until driving up the hill last night when it came flooding back. I guess I blocked it out for a reason. Two weeks ago having this "flashback" would have sent me into an emotional tailspin, but last night I was able to process it and feel very, very relieved to not be dealing with that kind of anger anymore.

And yet another 'thank you' to my friends who have been with me all the while and said..."this is NOT okay."

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