Friday, August 14, 2009

Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde

Never quite sure what I'm going to get sometimes. I admit, I was suckered in once again as usual.

The sensible, rational person is actually quite easy to deal with. I know better than to think it will last very long. I think we got about 10 days of this good behavior before it all turned ugly again last night. I have come to the conclusion that the only thing within my power is how I deal with the good behavior and the bad (sometimes drunk) behavior. When he sucks me in with the bad behavior and brings me down to his level it makes matters much worse. I need to work on not "feeding the beast" by engaging in conversations/arguments. This is behavior that I will likely have to deal with until my kids are 18, so I better figure out a way to handle it that it doesn't drive me completely insane as it has for the past 8 years.

It's funny how some people change their personalities based on who they are spending time with. This has always been a trait of my ex's that didn't just bother me, but scared me. What does this have to do with his Jekyll & Hyde behavior? Well, his parents are in town. Which means there is likely a large consumption of alcohol and there is support for his behavior. Over the course of our marriage, the behavior when his parents or his drinking friends were around was typically abusive on some level...verbally, emotionally. When everyone would leave was when I'd hear what a piece of shit I was and how I just didn't like to have fun and couldn't fit in and that's why nobody liked me. Thank God I had my own friends who actually liked me when they were sober so I never bought into that.

It's interesting where we're at right now. I got a phone call last night that could have gotten me upset, but fortunately, I had a supportive friend over at the time and honestly, I'm finally in a place where he can say whatever he wants to me, call me whatever names he wants and it does not impact my self worth. That's a huge step for me.

On a separate note...I saw the new O magazine at the grocery store and it's about POWER this month. I kinda wanted to get it, but decided to snag my mom's (read: FREE) copy instead. I always like to turn to the back page and read about what Oprah "Knows for Sure". This month's was really good and I especially liked the last paragraph...

"I know for sure that in every challenging experience there's an opportunity to grow, enhance your life, or learn something invaluable about yourself. Every challenge can make you stronger if you allow it. Strength multiplied=power."

I like it.

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