Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The Rollercoaster

Bear with me as my blog takes a little tangent for awhile. I've got a lot on my mind and sometimes it helps to just get it out there and get it out of my head. 

While I am 100% confident that I have made the right decision for myself and my 4 kids, it's really, really, really (did I say "really?") scary. There is not a doubt in my mind that we will make it and we will come thru this so much better off and so much happier. However, it's the meantime that really FREAKS ME OUT!!! Me. 4 kids. Some days I feel like a huge load has been lifted and other days (like today), I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. 

I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm not sleeping well at all. I'm lucky if I remember to eat. Nothing like draining yourself physically for a competition and then making a major life change immediately after and draining yourself emotionally in addition. Yikes! 

What I need from my friends: I need lots of reminders that I will get thru this. That this will be okay. That I will be able to put food on the table for my kids without having to stand at the 405 exit in my stripper shoes with a sign reading: Will Pose for Food & Supplements. ;) Sometimes I doubt myself and I need constant reminders right now that I can do this. 

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