Sunday, May 31, 2009

Moving On...

I've been dealing with some difficult personal decisions the past couple weeks which have kept me from posting to my blog. To be honest, my training is pretty random right now and my diet is suffering and I can't keep weight on. But, right now it's important for me to get my priorities right and do what is necessary.

Many of you already know that I have been facing the possibility of divorce for quite some time. Those who have been old friends and have known me since before I knew my husband know that this is something that was inevitable at some point. My newer friends know that I've been unhappy and sad in my marriage. Leaving a marriage when there are 4 children involved is not an easy decision to make and cannot be made lightly. This decision has been made in the best interest of my children and myself and ultimately, this decision will be the right thing for Brett as well. 

After having considered this option for as long as I have, I feel very confident in my decision and I feel extremely optimistic about what the future holds for my children and me. It's not going to be an easy road, but I know that once we reach "the other side" we are going to be so much happier.

I think I must be among the most blessed people in the world. I have been gifted with some very amazing friends in my life and I cannot imagine my life without them. Some friends old and some friends more recent, but all of these people have lifted me up and carried me thru and with the help, support and love of my friends and family I will get thru this with grace. 

And for those of you wondering whatever will become of my quest for the tiara - I am, at this time, still planning to compete in the fall. It may not work out, but I will train for it and diet for it and if my other obligations just don't allow me to do it then that's just how it is. But for now, plan to see me on stage this fall!!! :)

"I'm Moving On"

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

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