Friday, January 23, 2009

A Little Competition Soul-Searching

So...a friend once asked me the question: "When will you be done competing?"

I don't remember exactly what I said, but I'm fairly confident it was something smart-ass like "whenever I decide to be done. Hell, maybe never." Hah!

Ever since my last competition and since this question was posed I have pondered it in my head many times. Sometimes I've thought...well, I'll be done when I bring what I feel is my best physique to the stage, whether the judges like it or not. Even then, with my "Julie-considered Perfect Physique" I know I would not be done. Even if the judges loved me I would probably not be done. No, I'd come back, searching for more love. I'd come back hoping to repeat history and kick some ass. I would definitely be searching for more ego-stroking.

Well today I was thinking about all this competition stuff yet again. I was actually driving to Starbucks to meet Cindy after picking out my new suit fabric and design at Christie's house and I realized...holy heck, I am a mother of 4 and I have already achieved my dream of entering a competition and getting on stage. I've already done what I set out to do. I realized that even if I were never to compete again, I've already accomplished what I originally set out to do.

I love the stage. I love the focus and the drive and the dedication of the competition. I love eating clean and training hard. I love using my body as my own little science experiment. I love watching the muscles grow and then the fat melting away each passing week. I love a big bowl of oats the morning of the competition. I love this sport.

When will I be done? I don't know the answer right now but I do know that whenever that time comes, be it tomorrow or 10 years, I will have accomplished what I set out to do.

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