Beginning

Thanks to Facebook's memory sharing feature, this photo of my 3 youngest children on their first day of school 4 years ago popped up in my feed yesterday. The twins were starting kindergarten and my son, second grade. Tomorrow the twins will start 4th grade and my son 6th. Time has gone much too quickly...these few years have passed in what seems the blink of an eye. Yet the days have seemed long and challenging beyond what I ever could have anticipated.

As I reflected on this picture, in some ways, I feel like the challenges we have faced these last few years has robbed them and me of the mother that they deserve and desperately need. As our situation has required so much emotional and mental energy from me, it has left me unable to give them as much as I wish I could have. Fighting for them has been my number one priority and my focus. Their safety has been paramount.

Many of our special times where we create memories, I have been so tired and depleted from the fight that, if not for pictures, I would not even recall. I could wallow in the reality that the last few years have made it difficult for me to truly absorb the special moments. Doing so won't get those moments back, it won't change anything.

The best thing about seeing this photo yesterday was the resolve it gave me to continue pressing forward, to embrace the new beginning that our family has been given by the grace of God. I want to embrace the small, seemingly insignificant moments that shape our lives. I may still have to rely on pictures to remind as I'm still a single parent, running on fumes more often than not.

I haven't taken a back-to-school picture like this in 3 years. Tomorrow, I will take one again...in front of our new home as my children attend their first day of a new school year at a new school.

"Beginning. Just let that word wash over you." Danny Gokey

We are letting beginning wash all over us!