I have never been so focused, driven and completely determined to conquer a goal. Well, okay, maybe I have. But I've never been so committed to a contest prep process as I am right now. I am truly loving the life - the training, the diet, the mind-set. It is not a burden for me. I do not feel deprived or that I'm giving up a lifestyle I wish I could have. Rather, I've chosen to give up things that do not lead me to where I'm wanting to go...wine, friends and family who don't support my goals and my lifestyle. This is me. Unapologetically, me. If you've got a problem with it...walk on!
Over the last couple of weeks I came to the realization that I have spent my life trying to gain the approval and acceptance of a particular person. During some times in my life this wasn't very clear and at others it was and now, at 36 years old, it became crystal clear to me that almost every single thing I do is to get the approval of this one individual...and I'm done. I have finally realized that no matter what I do it will never be enough. And finally, I don't care anymore. I care about the person, but their approval, their acceptance and their opinion are of no matter to me anymore. Needless to say, this individual has never supported my love of bodybuilding. Many people don't understand the sport, and I totally get that, but just because you don't understand or can't relate to something doesn't make it okay to judge.
I guess you could say it's been a "breakthrough week" for me. It's been really emotional and it's been challenging trying to figure it out and determine how I want to handle it and there is no question, the decision I have made will greatly impact my life and the lives of my children. I am confident, however, that this decision is in the best interest of my children and me. After working through this, I was able to focus in on my business and my own training for the Emerald Cup which is now less than 20 weeks away!
Training for this competition is different - even different than training for the Ironman. While I was training for the Ironman, I can't deny that there was an element of "I'll show you" going on. I felt like I had something to prove to everybody after the defeat of the 2010 Emerald Cup. In the end, I realized that what everybody else thought really didn't matter at all and that I was really out to prove something to mySELF. Going into the 2012 Emerald Cup is all about me...it's because I want to do it, because I want to see how much I can improve in just 27 weeks, because I love having something to focus on that is not about making other people happy.
Training-wise, this week has been really good. I've had really great lifts and am steady and strong on my cardio. I swear some days I feel like an endurance athlete...something about the sweating just feels really therapeutic to me. Building my delts and tightening my glutes are my focal points right now. Training everything else hard and heavy and with a vengeance too! Thursday my favorite friend and former training partner joined me for a delt workout - the "hi-low". It's a workout I can't do without a spotter, so I was really excited to have him around for this heavy lift. I think it's safe to say that both of us trashed our delts good. Friday was more glutes and my quads are screaming today from the front squats and my booty is hurting good from the reverse barbell lunges. Love sore!!
Today is Sunday, which is delts and cardio...and of course, ultra-productivity in every facet of my life today. Christmas tree up, decorating in progress, cookies baked for the kids, laundry and meal prep for the week ahead. Never a dull moment in this house.