Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Bah Humbug No More

My children think I'm crazy. Last Tuesday I downloaded the new Christmas by Michael Buble and was listening to it often throughout the week. This week my Pandora station is usually set to something playing holiday music of some kind. Being that Halloween was just Monday my kids are giving me the strange looks and asking..."WHY are you listening to Christmas music?" You would think they would be supportive of this activity considering the whole "santa" deal and all. Apparently I need to remind them...or fill them with some kind of BS like "Santa brings better presents to kids who get in the spirit early." Hey, they might buy it.

And then yesterday Starbucks began serving coffee in their holiday cups. HELLO HAPPY!!! I don't know what's in those cups, but it took the happy in my Americano to a whole new level. Just what I need - feed my addiction to Starbucks coffee.

I realized yesterday, the past several Christmases have not really been all that happy for me. I know for sure that I completely checked out for the last 3 years. I didn't care at all. January 1st couldn't come soon enough for me. I just wanted to make it through the holiday season without falling into a depression. In 2008 I was waiting patiently to start my divorce process. I was in my first "off season" with contest prep and was dealing with facing the fact that my marriage still was really miserable (despite being able to ignore this during contest prep). Then in 2009 I was totally in the thick of the divorce, working at a job I hated, living hours that were insane and I was exhausted. And last year I was "woe is me" as my first year as an officially single woman. Christmas is a holiday for families and I felt like we were broken. That me and my kids were some how "less than" other families because I was now divorced.

To distract myself I threw myself into preparing to open my new business. My nose was buried in my laptop or I was meeting with contractors or dealing with other business issues. It consumed me. Basically, I showed up to Christmas...physically. Mentally and emotionally I was checked out. It was just another day for me...a day I couldn't wait to pass.

It really is true what they say...that time heals all. I said it a lot in my blogs back in 2009 that I "knew there was light at the end of the tunnel." I finally feel like I'm living in the light again and it is a really great feeling. I don't feel broken anymore.

Happy and content and blessed with a second chance. This is a really good place to be.

And I believe...IN CHRISTMAS MIRACLES!!!! :)

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