Monday, May 16, 2011

My Distraction

Last Wednesday night before I went to bed I decided that the following morning would be the beginning...gonna pull out my notes from my 2009 Emerald Cup contest prep and start following my contest diet. My notes are very detailed and whenever my diet changed during that contest prep it was well documented, down to the smallest detail. I wasn't entirely sure why I was starting a contest diet. When I came downstairs on Thursday morning to make my first meal of the day, I pulled out my orange spiral notebook and pulled the meal plan from the 10-week-out point.

It was a whole lotta food!!! A lot more than what I was eating at the time. This was going to be easy. When the "hard part" is having to try to eat enough food in a day, you know it's going to be manageable. By the time Thursday night rolled around I was 1000 calories short of my daily quota and I felt like I'd been eating non-stop. At the end of the day, I still wasn't exactly sure WHY I was following my contest diet but it didn't really matter, I would wake up Friday morning and do the same thing. Still not sure what contest I was eating for...considering I had no plans of giving up wine.

The Washington Ironman is just under 17 weeks away. Maybe getting on stage again isn't a bad idea. Maybe I'm ready to do this again. I like to have a purpose for my training and while I'm quite strict with my normal "off season" diet, having a set diet to follow (and weigh and track every bite of food) seems to work really well for me and keep me on track. Yeah, competing again might just be what I need to do to challenge myself again. (Because apparently I don't do enough challenging things in my life) And of course, if I am preparing for a competition I won't be able to be social....ding ding ding!!!

Let's not forget that my life pretty much revolves around taking care of other people and working...a lot. When I compete, it's for me. It's a very self-centered sport and it is something that allows me to focus on myself when in all the other parts of my life I am focused on other people. Competing is the one thing that I have found that really fills me up and makes me feel like I'm doing something for myself. takes me away from too many other things. It's my crutch when things aren't going the way I want them to or when I need to mentally runaway from something or someONE.

I knew when I decided to start my new contest diet that I was looking for answers that I can't find in a contest. I knew that I was running. I sort of feel like a figure competition junkie. It's my drug. When the going gets rough or I feel overwhelmed...I want to train. I want to put everything I have into a competition. I love the stage, but I love it for all the wrong reasons still. I know I will go back. I know I will compete again but what I know for sure is that I can't get back in that game until I'm doing it for all the right reasons.

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