Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Happy. Forgiveness. Moving On.

I got a text from a friend this morning saying that her divorce was finally final. And today, she is, as I was and remain, very happy. It's funny because over the past few days I've had some interactions with my ex-husband that when married would have left a very heavy feeling in my heart. They would have knotted my stomach with anxiety. Even last summer these conversations would have gotten me worked up and pissed off. But now, the words just go in one ear and out the other and I just think..."I'm glad you're not my husband anymore." There's really no emotion around it one way or another. It just is what it is and I'm good with that.

Sure, I sometimes still get a little sad that our lives ended up the way they did. I often wonder what my life would be like had I chosen not to get married. Obviously, I would not have my three beautiful children that came from my marriage. On a morning like today, I'd kinda be okay with that. KIDDING!!!! Totally kidding!! I adore the little trolls. I wonder about those books that us girls used to read in school where you could choose which ending you wanted to read...what if life was like that....hmmmm. Even though this road has been rough and it's not something I would ever wish on anyone, I don't regret it, not for one second. I've grown so much as a person through this whole process. I've learned how to forgive others and more importantly, how to forgive myself.

I realized today when I received that text, which prompted me to go back and read the post I wrote in this blog on the day I got divorced (first post in April, in case you wanna look it up. ;) ), that I'm happier than I've ever been. Ever. In my entire life. There are many days when I'm utterly exhausted and feel like I can't possibly handle another moment of life single parenting 4 kids but I am genuinely happy and I know that "this, too, shall pass" and someday my kids will be older and easier and these days will be but a memory. When you've been in a relationship that broke you down and tore you apart and turned you into someone you no longer recognized in the mirror a divorce is something that sets you free to be yourself again. And so, for Mary, who is now free...I wish you all the happiness life has in store for you!

1 comment:

  1. Jules....I don't even know what to say except that your post brought me to tears. I am SO lucky and so blessed to have you as a cheerleader in my court. I love you, baby girl! Always.