Sunday, November 22, 2009

The "Pusher"

This kind of goes along with something I wrote about in my last post. I've been reflecting a lot on what keeps people, especially women, in unhappy marriages. It's interesting to have a little "altitude" now and be able to see things a little differently.

I hear women tell stories about miserable situations in their marriages. Sometimes I think to myself..."just leave, why the hell are you staying?" But that's how I think now. I realize that even 7 or 8 months ago I didn't think that way, I thought the way they thought. It's easier to stay. And in many ways, it really is easier to stay.

I got lucky. I have a friend who was relentless about pushing me to do what I needed to do. Every time I decided to train for another show, my "Pusher" was reminding me that I was only avoiding the inevitable and that I was using the competition as a distraction. And my friend was right. I think that if it hadn't been for my "Pusher" I probably would have stayed even longer. I would have kept using the competitions as my outlet to distract me from my miserable marriage.

I recall a conversation with my "Pusher" back in February as I was training for the Vancouver show and Emerald Cup. I remember it well as it was the day I had to renew my driver's license and the conversation had brought me to know, the big cry that makes your face look crappy for the rest of the day. My "Pusher" told me in so many words, that they did not think I should be training for the show and that I should be looking for a job, getting a lawyer and getting my kids into a healthy environment. But I just wasn't strong enough yet. I needed to go through that competition process to realize that I had the strength within me to do what needed to be done.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have a friend like this. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a friend show tough love like mine did. But my "Pusher" has always been there...always a listening ear when there was a bad situation, but never failing to give honest advice and tell it like it is. I am forever indebted to my friend helped me find my strength to leave a miserable marriage that was unhealthy for me AND my kids and start down the path to happiness.

I am truly blessed and grateful.

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