Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Why Me?

It's been a rough day. It started early, 6:40am to be exact when my dad called me. I've cried a lot today. I've run up my legal bill with countless phone calls. I've been a basketcase for most of the day, minus the 2 hours the babysitter was here giving me a much-needed sanity break. I won't bother to go into the details of how the day went south so early, but I will tell you it started with a 7am phone call, followed by numerous emails, harassing in nature.

So, it's the end of the day and I've put everyone to bed and am cleaning up the kitchen and I just start wondering to myself...why me? Why is this person in my life? I was a good wife. I took good care of my husband, I adored him, loved him and was faithful to him. I like to think I am a good mother. I always took every precaution when I was pregnant and read every book and tried to do everything just right with my babies. And so...I don't understand why someone would want to be so mean and so hurtful in return. I just don't understand people like this and I really don't understand whatever possessed me to marry one of them.

Just more "stuff" I need to work thru and come to terms with. In time, I know I will be able to let go. Right now it is still so raw and the emotions are still running so high. My hope is that as soon as everything is finalized on paper and with the courts that things will get better and I can move on with my life and put this 8 year chapter behind me.

There was something good that came out of this day from hell...a KILLA' workout (sorry, been hanging out with Dave too long...I start saying things like "killa'" and "holla'"...I guess it's what happens when a white girl thinks she's all badass). It was back night and I had some seriously STRONG lifts. Some great pull ups too - my favorite! And I decided mid-workout as this aggression was coming out so nicely in the gym - I am going to use this. I am going to let this 'Jack' push me all the way to the TIARA!!!!

Game On!

1 comment:

  1. Sorry to hear the day started out bad. Good for you getting it out in the gym!