For some time now, I’ve been struggling with my writing. It’s not that I have writer’s block or a lack of ideas or topics but every time I would write something, I would hear that voice of the Spirit telling me…”Don’t post that.” It wasn’t like I was writing anything that was not in alignment with who I am or my mission but…it wasn’t in alignment with where I want to go. It was a continued look into my rear view mirror and I could tell that God was telling me to stop looking at my past.
But how am I going to share my message? How am I going to help other women and families like mine? I can’t possibly do that if I don’t drudge up the past day after day…after day. “But you can”, I kept hearing.
I stopped writing for awhile because I really needed to give myself some time to process this idea that in order to truly move forward in life, I was going to have to stop living “my old story.” For years, I had let my past define me and define what I was about and I realized that because I was carrying it around day after day, I was still weighed down by it. I really thought in order to use my experience to help others, I would have to tell it and retell it and retell it some more and I really did not like the way that felt. It was heavy. It was too much to carry around.
We do that, you know..we carry our past for so many reasons. We carry it because we feel guilty…this is our burden to bear, so bear it we do. We carry it because we don’t recognize ourselves without our old story. We carry it because we think if we do it will help someone else. All of these reasons, while usually well-intended, keep us stuck in an old story and for many of us, keep us in victim mode, making it impossible to enjoy today.
As I was spending time processing this idea that I had to stop telling an old story on repeat, I realized that God was telling me He rescued me from that. He rescued me not so I could carry it around but so that I could have NEW LIFE in Him. Keeping that old story on my bookshelf and pulling it out everyday to re-read was not why God rescued me. He rescued me so I could leave it. So I could walk away and have something better, have joy that I had never experienced before. His plan does not include us feeling guilty forever, day after day. His plan is to make beauty from our ashes and He can’t bring that to completion if we won’t let go of yesterday.
Has God rescued you from your past but you keep hanging on? That’s not the point of the rescue, you know. God didn’t give us New Life so we could carry around the baggage from the old one. If you are like me, I would encourage you to let go of the chains of the past that are keeping you from experiencing the JOY and PEACE that God wants for you to enjoy right NOW. Your story has a purpose but wearing it like a badge or scarlet letter is not the purpose God had in mind.