Like many people, I learned the hard way that pretty much no one was worthy of my trust. I had been hurt, heartbroken and let down more times than I care to count. And so, the best way to handle that, it seemed to me, was to trust no one at all.
I became a very independent person. I put up walls to keep other people from getting too close to me. If I kept them out, I wouldn't get hurt and no one would let me down. No one really knew me. I never let myself be too vulnerable with anyone. Maybe you can relate. This is a common approach to life after we've been hurt and disappointed.
The truth is, I made one bad decision after another. Bad decisions with good intentions. These bad decisions were made against what my intuition was telling me. I knew in my gut I was supposed to turn left but I made a right turn anyway. Not only could I trust no one, I couldn't even trust myself. My intuition would get loud and I would still do the opposite of what it was telling me.
Trusting no one and building walls to keep people out is really lonely. When my life took a serious turn a few years ago, I was left with no choice - I had to trust some folks. That was a challenge. It was my first step in faith. I was out of options and I had to let some people into my life to help me and my children. It was really hard and it was really scary.
I think the biggest thing God asks of us is to trust Him. When we decide to follow Jesus, we surrender everything to His plan and that means we have to trust Him in everything we do...on a daily basis. I have to surrender many times daily because it is still in my nature to want to control my life, to worry about the future and to be anxious. I think the best part of being in a relationship with God is having that ability to completely trust Him for everything. It's not easy, especially for most of us who have trust issues to begin with. We don't trust what we can see and here God is calling us to trust what we can't see. That takes big faith.
That "intuition" I believe is the Holy Spirit, directing our steps. We can tune into it and follow it or we can ignore it and choose to make our own decisions that go against that still small voice. Trusting God means trusting His voice and learning to know what that voice sounds like. In those times when my intuition was speaking so loudly and I ignored it, I really had no idea that it was something so much greater than just an argument in my head. Now I know that is the Spirit and I tune in and I pray and I follow.
We are all works in progress and trusting God is something that we have to work on everyday. It doesn't come naturally to us. But what I have noticed is that when I put my trust in God, it takes the pressure off not only me, but the people I am in relationships with. I don't expect them to meet needs that only God can meet. And when I trust God, I know that He will use the people He wants to use to meet my needs and work in my life. Just as He uses me in the lives of others. I'm also learning that when I listen to His voice in my decision making, I tend to make fewer mistakes. Go figure!
Life is not about being independent. It's complete dependence on God. And I love it because it really got tiring trying to figure everything out for myself. Knowing that God already has a plan set out for me and that it is a really good plan is a freedom I never had when I was self-reliant.