Monday, June 29, 2015

Why Are You Single?

I think this is probably the dumbest question we can ask a person who is not in a romantic relationship. Like...what's wrong with you that you don't have a partner? I saw this question asked on a Facebook page the other day and one person's response was "I'm single because men are assholes." That's interesting, isn't it. ALL men are assholes. That's a pretty broad statement. And it's one that is used often by females (and likely it works both ways but I hear it much more from women than I do men.)

So a woman says that "all" men are "assholes." I have to disagree with that because some of my closest friends who I admire and respect are men. And they are not assholes. It would be easy for me to be bitter and to join the "all men are assholes" club considering my marriage and dating history. But of all the "less than stellar dudes" (I refuse to say assholes) I've been in relationships with, the common denominator was...ME.

The woman who believes all men are assholes needs to take a good hard look in the mirror because if all the men she is surrounding herself with are "assholes", she is the one constant in each of those relationships. She is choosing to engage with men who are not of the quality she seems to want.

So you are a woman surrounded by assholes and you want to know how to find the good men. First of all, figure out what it is about YOU that the nice/good guys aren't attracted to you. Because I can guarantee there is something about YOU that is not attracting the good men. How do you treat yourself? Do you love yourself? How do you treat others? Are you bitter or happy? Are you a drama queen? Are you controlling and dominating? Are you a "my way or the highway" kind of gal? Are you demanding and have unrealistic expectations? Are you smothering? Do you have a full life of your own or are you in the market for a man to "complete you?" Do you gossip? Are you a Debbie Downer?

The biggest thing I think that keeps both men and women from being with the kind of person they say they desire is that they have their own baggage that they haven't unpacked and sorted through. They've still got a lot of junk in the bag that needs to be tossed out before they can move on free and clear. It takes work. It takes time and patience. There's no quick fix. Work on becoming the kind of person you want to be for the kind of person you desire. A good man deserves a good woman. Are you a good woman?

There are some amazing men on the planet. And they are NOT in short supply as you may believe. But if you are not the right kind of woman, you aren't going to find them.

I know because I, too, used to be surrounded by the kind of men I didn't want to be with.

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