Monday, May 3, 2010

I Had a "Moment"

It happened in the most unlikely place, doing the most unlikely thing at a most unlikely time. Last week I was at Fred Meyer to pick up a few things. Middle of the day, my list had odds and ends...the usual stuff you need to go to Fred Meyer, sandwich bags, light bulbs, shampoo. I headed over to the home section where the light bulbs are and I stopped dead in my tracks.

Someone else used to do this. Someone else used to do this Fred Meyer shopping trip. This hadn't been my job for a long time. Forget that I've been doing it for the last 10 months, all of a sudden it felt strange and foreign and brand new. And I started to cry. In that moment, standing there like a complete dork in Fred Meyer, I missed him. The emotion came over me like a wave, it completely overtook me and caught me completely off guard.

It's easy not to miss someone when you're angry and bitter and blocking out every good memory and only clinging to the bad things that made you so miserable. But, I found that once I let go of my anger and made the decision to move on and leave the past where it belongs, I started to remember the good times. Since my Fred Meyer trip last week I've had several occasions of good memories washing over me. I don't miss him in the sense that I want him back, I just miss those moments.

I'm actually glad for these bittersweet moments because they help me to see the gift that our relationship brought to me. I believe that every road we take leads us to the next road we are supposed to take. I'm grateful that all of the negative emotions I had seem to have faded away. I know that it won't be perfect going forward, but I have hope that we can figure out how to be friends and raise our children together and do what is best for them.

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